The Jed Foundation

Last week, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared that children under 14 should not be on social media. This comes as a surprise to… no one, especially parents. After all, these are the years when our children are still developing their identity, self-worth and relationships to others—and these platforms too often provide a distorted view of what's real. As countless studies have shown: that glossy, filtered-to-perfection life that social media touts is detrimental to the mental health of the young (as is the loss of IRL activities and interactions due to screen time).

The science is there. Research shows that checking social media regularly alters the brain chemistry of adolescents, creating a dopamine rush not unlike a high. It's been linked to depression, anxiety, body image issues, self-harm and overall lower life satisfaction—particularly for girls. Since the pandemic, the crisis has only grown more urgent—usage is up by 17% for those between the ages of 8 and 18.

What can a parent do? Here, the experts at The Jed Foundation share a tip sheet to navigating social media in a healthy way.

1. Start with Respectful Curiosity
Launching a conversation about time spent online can spark defensiveness in a young person, especially if it is an adult who initiates it. Try asking questions in an open way that helps you understand their experience and the role social media plays in their overall well-being and life.

2. Share with Sensitivity
Sharing too much information about one’s life or feelings can have negative consequences, especially for young people who do not have a lot of experience in knowing what is and isn't safe to share online. Share your perspective on what is appropriate to share, and remind them that anything posted in public is potentially out there forever. This conversation could be an opportunity to note that decisions have consequences, and that we make better decisions when we’ve taken a step back to think first.

3. Make Connections, Not Comparisons
We want young people to be inspired by social media, to feel empowered to explore new things and make changes in their lives—or the world! However, it’s important to check in and make sure your teen isn’t becoming discouraged by feeling that they don’t measure up to an unachievable ideal. Young people compare themselves to others more than almost any other age group, often with negative consequences. Having conversations about how people’s lives on social media can appear “perfect” when they actually aren’t can be incredibly helpful, as can encouraging them to follow people who are just as inspiring but more relatable.

4. Respond with Kindness
Social media can be a kind and supportive community, and people often open up about difficult subjects in order to create awareness or find support. For the most part, these conversations are positive and productive; however, at times, a community member may be in real distress. Let them know it's okay to report concerning behavior, including bullying. Most platforms have tools that allow you do so anonymously.

Talk to your kids about the toolkit Instagram provides to control their privacy levels and customize their experience. These tools can be especially helpful to create a safe space to connect with others.

1. Discuss whether it’s best for the account to be public or private. If the account is private, they can approve the people who follow them, and can remove followers at any time.

2. Remind them that they can block unwanted interactions and control who has the ability to comment on posts. Or they can use “restrict” to control access. Comments from anyone on “restricted” will not appear publicly unless you approve them. Restricted people also won’t be able to see when you’re online or when you’ve read their messages. Young people may feel more comfortable using “restrict” as an initial response, and then blocking or unfollowing if the problem persists.

3. Encourage an occasional edit of their follow list. Young people may keep following an account that is having a negative impact on them simply because they haven’t stopped to check in with themselves and identify the issue. If they're hesitant to unfollow, they can mute an account—the followed person will not know they’ve been muted.

4. Instagram has filters that automatically remove offensive words and phrases and bullying comments. Your teen can also create their own list of words or emojis they don’t want to have appear in the comments section.

READ THE PARENT GUIDE ON HOW TO TALK TO YOUR TEEN ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH.

If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, visit The Jed Foundation’s Mental Health Resource Center for essential information about common emotional health issues. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts or engaging in suicidal behavior, seek help immediately by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

From now to the end of March, we will donate a portion of proceeds from every single veronicabeard.com order to the The Jed Foundation, which protects emotional health and prevents suicide for teens and young adults in the U.S. Learn more about the partnership here. #VBGIVESBACK